Paying homage to our sages during Women’s History Month

In 2015, one of the greatest singer-songwriters of our time suffered a near-fatal brain aneurysm. Joni Mitchell endured years of difficult physical therapy to walk and talk again. She certainly never imagined she’d be able to perform again.

Enter one of my favorite musicians, Brandi Carlile. In 2017 she began organizing monthly “Joni Jams” in which friends sang Joni’s songs and encouraged the icon to sing again. In 2022 she made her first live appearance since the aneurysm, singing with Brandi at the Newport Folk Festival.

Brandi wrote a tribute to Joni with a song: "She doesn't suffer fools, she won't make cups of tea, and she won't bandage bruised egos.” She also says,

"She is a wild woman. She's 83 and she will drink you under the table. She loves Cadillac margaritas and plain Black Jack. And she is unpredictable, untamable, unknowable sometimes, and it's amazing."

Brandi hasn’t only paid homage to and helped Joni. She also encouraged Tanya Tucker to get back to recording, producing her Grammy-winning album. She collaborates with other legends and mentors young up-and-coming musicians like Sista Strings. At her recent phenomenal “Human Tour” concert, I was delighted to observe that half of her band is Black, including Sista Strings. She also honored Joan Baez, another hero of mine, onstage and joked with her backstage.

Honoring our sages connects us to a lineage of experience, knowledge, and care that shapes who we are and how we move in the world.

I love spending time with the wiser women in my life, and I feel fortunate to be part of an intergenerational community that offers me the chance to become close to them. I do not take it for granted the fact my mom’s still thriving at age 86, along with many of her close friends.

Which older women in your life helped you become who you are?

I decided to make a list of some of the wiser women who have been positive influences in my life:

My mom Shirley Gettel, who saw and heard me even when no one else could understand me (literally, with my cleft palate), and raised me to believe in myself, explore the world, and treasure people in my life
Rita Reese Allen, my mom’s mom, who instilled in me a love of creativity, nature, and hazelnuts (and I really wish I had her green thumb!)
Margaret Staats Gettel, my dad’s mom, who wrangled five boys and loved her family (my sister and I often thought of our grandma when our six combined boys were young!)
My aunts, many of whom were teachers and led professional lives while raising their families
My mom’s friends like Jerrie Buchanan, who loved us as children and was there soon after I was sexually assaulted when I couldn’t reach my parents; Pat Olson, who brought fun and a love of music; and Sue Barrett, who is full of calm and a great sense of humor
Karen Pressman, my beloved fifth grade teacher, who engendered a love of calligraphy and creativity in me and valued my soul and personality
My aunt Judy Thornton, a Soviet economics professor who mentored me and my sister in traveling and pursuing education and careers (I’ll never forget when she suggested we try smoking pot! She clearly thought we were goody two-shoes as teens, which we were!)
Mary Olson, who knew me from childhood and modeled love and acceptance
Sulis Cerddeu, who played music with me as a teen and we trained to become clowns together! (it was the late 70s/early 80s!)
Rev. Dr. Joanne Brown, my feminist theology professor, who shook my world to its core when she introduced the idea that God might not look be a white father in the sky
Olga Gilmartin, my mother-in-law who was a refugee, spoke three languages, and loved family, friends, and creativity (and loved me even though I took her beloved son off to the USA)
Becky Pike, who with her husband Leon adopted me and my husband shortly after we were married and instilled a love of theater and activism in us
Ann Shankland, my editorial mentor and teacher…we shared an office and the first computer in the editing department (I’m aging myself!), although I was the one who used it!
Clara Barefoot Sehorn, spunky, resilient, highly creative, loved chickens, and taught my parents how to quilt in their retirement
Gene Hornof and Marian Anderson, Catholic matriarchs who fought stridently for LBGTQIA rights in the church
Annette Stixrud, who has stood up for girls’ education, public health, and social justice no matter who got in her way, was the first person there when Christopher was born at 24 weeks gestation, and has become our kids’ surrogate grandmother
Mary Shaw, who is living the kind of retirement I want: traveling to multiple countries each year and patronizing several theatre companies!
Margaret Armstrong, who helped to create a 222-acre greenspace with several other activists, and continues to instill a love of the forest and land in children
Jane Kennedy and Chris Braue, lifelong friends who both became nuns before they realized they were in love with each other! They live out “LOVE IS LOVE”!

I’m sure I’m missing some significant sages in my life, but this is a start.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus hosts one of my favorite podcasts, Wiser Than Me, in which she interviews her own sages and then discusses each episode with her mom, who is in her 90s. I encourage you to check it out!

“In our culture, older women are rarely seen or heard. What a shame. We are missing out on the wisdom and experiences of a huge portion of the population. I want to hear from these older women. I want to talk to them. I want to know how they navigate aging and their tips for a life well lived. How they did it, how they do it and everything in between.”
-Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Who are the sages in YOUR life, and how can you pay them homage this month?

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Paying homage to our sages during Women’s History Month