It wasn’t about the chicken
What a lunch line moment revealed about power, tone, and workplace culture
A small moment in a lunch line
My college son Nick texted me recently, rattled by a lunchtime exchange.
He had asked for a large amount of chicken in the dining hall (the boy loves his chicken!). The server shut him down, telling him no in a way that made him feel embarrassed. Other servers honor his request. “Grumpy old guy” told him he could come back later, but he didn’t.
“I like to avoid talking to grumpy people when I don’t have to.”
His “favorite chicken guy” has been gone for a week.
Their service and hospitality offered a clear contrast. It wasn’t about the chicken. One server consistently meets students with warmth and generosity. Another met a simple request with irritation and authority. Same job. Same setting. Completely different impact.
We often write off workplace grumpiness at work as harmless. We might be told not to take it personally. But grumpiness carries weight, especially when it comes from someone in a position of authority.
To the grumpy old guy, it probably felt insignificant. To Nick, it changed how safe it felt to ask for what he needed. He adapted and avoided to feel safe and not get embarrassed again.
Two memories from my own career
It reminds me of two distinct memories in my corporate career:
In my last corporate job, I was the company’s first-ever communications manager. I soon discovered the toxic environment, and much of this toxicity came from the top. On my first day on the job, I asked the CEO about his communications philosophy. In what felt like a hostile tone, Jim said, “You tell me. You’re the communications manager!” Later he spoke dismissively to my husband who introduced himself at the company picnic.
While still in my 20s, I was working on a proposal one Saturday with a small team. A former employee named Ron, now working for another company, looked at me and demanded coffee. I was stunned. I didn’t know how to respond. Before I could say anything, my colleague and mentor Brad stepped in and said, “I’ll show you where the coffee is, Ron.” Just a calm, clear signal that I was a colleague, not support staff. Years later, Brad didn’t remember the exchange at all. I have never forgotten it.
Small acts of kindness and respect shape careers and egos.
So do small acts of dismissal.
Jim may not remember snapping at a brand-new communications manager on her first day, but I’ll never forget it. The tone set the temperature for an entire year. It signaled that curiosity would not be welcomed and partnership would be hard won. That culture flowed from the top.
Brad doesn’t remember stepping in that Saturday morning. But I do. His quiet intervention told me I belonged in the room. That culture flowed sideways, colleague to colleague, and it strengthened me.
Both moments were brief, and neither involved policy. But both carried power. That is how workplace culture actually works.
What leaders often miss
We rarely know when we are shaping someone’s sense of belonging or safety.
We rarely see the ripple effects of a sharp or steady tone. Yet people remember. They carry those moments into their confidence, engagement, and willingness to step forward.
My son’s favorite chicken guy probably does not think of himself as doing anything remarkable. He just does his job with consistency and care. But to the students he serves, he creates ease. He makes everyday interactions feel safe.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
-Reverend John Watson, 1897
For leaders, this guidance is not sentimental advice. It is operational guidance.
The CEO sets culture. So does the frontline server. So does the colleague in the conference room.
Every interaction communicates value. Every tone choice builds trust or erodes it.
The smallest exchanges shape whether people speak up, step forward, or quietly decide it is safer to step back.
Culture is not built in big speeches. It is built in lunch lines, conference rooms, and ordinary Saturday mornings at work.
It was never about the chicken.
It is about leadership.
And leadership is practiced in the smallest moments.
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