Let Them—the two words that could change how you work
Two recent scenarios:
A potential client asked me to submit a proposal for a crisis communications plan. After I’d spent several hours noodling on it, he emailed to say they’d decided to “go a different direction.”
Several weeks ago I lost a friend. She disapproved of my support of a mutual friend who had started a new relationship and hurt my feelings by excluding me from an event. When I told her how I felt, she did not apologize.
Thanks to Mel Robbins’ book Let Them, I could walk away from both of these situations without too much fretting or personalizing. Let Them is a simple but powerful mindset shift: instead of trying to control how others behave, respond, or think about you, you just let them do their thing.
Let them ignore you, exclude you, misunderstand you, or make choices you wouldn’t. Their actions are not your responsibility. When you focus on what you can control, you create more peace and freedom in both your personal and professional life.
The other side of “let them” is “let me,” which arguably is even more important.
Mel Robbins says sometimes she has to say “let them” dozens of times before focusing on the “me” part.
Let me choose peace…let me walk away…let me focus on what matters to me.
Together, “let them” and “let me” give you the tools to step back from unnecessary drama and embrace your own power.
“When someone shows you who they are, let them. When someone chooses something you wouldn’t, let them. When someone says one thing and does another, let them.”
-Mel Robbins
Here’s how this concept can help you in the workplace:
Let go of control: Say you’re presenting in a team meeting when a coworker interrupts with a sarcastic or dismissive remark. It catches you off guard, and you feel the urge to defend yourself or shut them down. Instead of reacting defensively, getting flustered, or stewing over it later, just let them. You can pause, stay composed, and respond calmly or not engage at all. You can maintain your professionalism and confidence while showing others you don’t need to match someone else’s energy to stay in control.
Build emotional resilience: If your boss responds negatively about your work, it’s easy to feel hurt or defensive. You might replay the criticism in your head all day and question your abilities. What would happen if you let them be abrupt? You can calmly acknowledge the feedback, clarify expectations, and move forward. Don’t take their tone personally or spiral into self-doubt. Staying grounded will help you protect your peace, maintain professionalism, and keep focused on the task at hand.
Promote healthier boundaries: The next time your coworker misses a deadline, instead of staying late to fix things to keep the project on track, let them deal with the consequences. You can document your communications, set clear expectations, and follow through what’s in your control without overfunctioning or personalizing their behavior. This will prevent burnout and emotional exhaustion.
Improve team dynamics: We’ve all have had team members who gossip, complain, or undermine leadership behind the scenes. You might feel pressure to mediate, reassure, or play messenger to fix the tension. You’re spending emotional energy managing relationships that aren’t your responsibility. Next time try just letting them gossip. You can choose to disengage, focus on your own work, and model professionalism. If it escalates or affects performance, you can address it or alert a supervisor. But you don’t have to make it your job to manage discomfort in the group. This approach empowers individuals to stay focused on their own responsibilities rather than getting sucked into unproductive conflict.
Help leaders lead better: As a leader, it’s easy to try to jump in and save the day when one of your employees is struggling. Leaders often feel responsible for everyone’s performance, feelings, and success. But Mel Robbins offers a freeing perspective: “Let them fail. Let them learn.” This approach encourages coaching over controlling, which will help you build a stronger, more independent team.
“Let Them” helps in your personal life too
All of the principles above apply just as powerfully in our personal lives. For example, Robbins writes about friendships changing and how she transformed her own personal hurt. After my own friend fissure, I went back and reread her chapter on friendship, “Let Them Think Bad Thoughts about You.” Robbins reminds us that not everyone is going to like us!
She says adult friendships depend on three factors: proximity (living close to each other), timing (experiencing things at the same time), and energy (a natural click or vibe). I realized the energy in my broken friendship had completely shifted…and I also realized I’m naturally drawn to people who have positive energy. “Let Them” helped me move on and feel grateful for the wonderful friends I still have.
My husband is reading “Let Them” now and also finding this simple concept to be powerful. Let Them can help you bring more peace, clarity, and professionalism to the workplace and to your personal life. Life is stressful enough! Choose to focus on what you CAN control (“Let me”) and don’t waste your time fretting about what’s out of your control. Take your life and precious time back!
Let’s make your message the one they remember. Fertile Ground Communications transforms complex ideas into clear, compelling messages that capture attention and inspire action. Whether you’re a small business, public agency, or nonprofit, we help your voice break through the clutter and connect authentically with your audience.
